At a Crossroads

 

A Question from a Student:

“Sometimes you know something is not right for you, or you can get better, but you still want it. One reason for this is that I don't have the confidence to turn down anything and say I deserve better. What to do in situations like this?”

The Question and the Problem Reframed: 

“Sometimes I know something is not good for me, and I can get better, but I still choose it. One reason for this is that I don't have the confidence (i.e., I am afraid) to turn down something I have and say I deserve better. What shall one do in situations like this?”

The problem you raised is a common problem that almost everyone faces in their lives. If I may restate the problem, it is that -

We often find ourselves standing at crossroads and unable to decide which way to go, for we are afraid of losing what we have, or we are uncertain about the future. 

How shall we make a Decision in such a Situation?

To begin with, let me tell you that there are no clear-cut solutions to this problem. However, we may explore and understand the problem, for it will help us overcome the anxiety associated with indecision and help us make the best possible decision.

There are no clear-cut solutions to this problem. We need to explore and understand the problem for a better decision. 

The World is Very Complex:

The first principle we must understand is that the world is very complex. We know very little about the world, the forces that govern it, and the direction in which the world is moving.

• As per Indian scripture, there are many invisible forces, other than the physical forces, that govern this world. They are known as Gods. They follow Divine Will or Divine Law.

• If this is so, i.e., if we neither know the hidden forces nor their laws, it is impossible for anyone to predict the outcome of our actions. In other words, the world and our lives remain unpredictable.

The world is complex; the problem of uncertainty, consequently indecision, is very much part of our lives.

The World is a Play of Many Forces:

 The second principle we must understand is that the world is a play of many forces.

• Nature (or the World) has its own will, which is enforced by the Gods (or the hidden forces) that govern the world. If our will and Nature’s will are not in line, it is quite natural that there will be opposition to our will. And our will, being weak compared to the universal forces (Gods), will not fructify.

• Again, there are many people who are part of our system and have wills that may not be in line with, or against, our will. 

The World is a Play of Many Forces, and Life is a struggle between competing forces. Our will is neither the only will nor the all-powerful will that determines our life. Therefore, the outcomes of our efforts may or may not be in line with our will. 

Can Decisions based on Fear and Desire Ensure long-term Happiness?

Then, the third issue relates to our psychology and instincts. As we grow from a child to an adult, we acquire a personal value system based on the value systems of our family and society. Accordingly, we develop preferences – we like certain things and dislike others. We also have inbuilt likes and dislikes based on our instincts, which are ingrained in human beings over the millennia of evolution. These preferences, likes, and dislikes, coupled with our emotions, manifest as Fear and Desire and govern our decisions; we follow our desires and avoid our fears.

However, our fears as well as our desires are transient, i.e., they change with time. In other words, we are not sure if our fears and desires will remain the same as years roll on and we grow. This means that the decisions we make based on our current fears and desires will become irrelevant with time. 

It is very natural for us to follow our desires and avoid our fears. However, our fears and desires change with time. Therefore, we are never sure that by the time our actions mature, we will still want the same results for which we made the effort.

The Solution to Our Problem lies in how we look at the World and Life.

Then, what is the solution to our problem? The real solution to our problem lies in how we look at the world and life. We need to ponder over the following assumptions/conclusions and recalibrate our worldview -

• The purpose of Nature is not to fulfil our desires. It is an independent and conscious entity with an objective. We may align our objectives with Nature’s objective or work against it, but we can’t expect Nature to bow to our wishes.

• The purpose of Nature is not to fulfil our desires but to help us grow and become wiser. This is the essence of evolution. Therefore, we should not be bothered about material and social achievements; instead, they should become the means to help us understand life and become wiser. 

• Our objectives are transient; they keep changing with time. Late in life, when our desires and our goals are fulfilled, we will realize that we wanted something more or something else.

• All our achievements are going to end with our Death. Therefore, it doesn’t matter if we have achieved anything in life. What matters most is whether we have lived our lives happily or not.

• We need to find the true objective of our life. Are we governed by familial and social conditioning, and trying to fulfil the desires of our family and society? If so, remember that nobody is really looking at you; nobody is really concerned about you; the world will not shed a tear when we are not there. We must shed the familial and social compulsions and find the true objective of our life.

• The purpose of life is not to fulfil someone else’s desire or ambition. The purpose of life is to explore oneself, find the true purpose of one’s life, and express oneself. It doesn’t really matter whether you succeed or fail in your life. Each failure brings you closer to the real purpose of your life. Each success, after you have revelled in it and gotten disillusioned with it, tells you that this was not the purpose of your life. Thus, the process of exploring oneself goes on until you find your life's real purpose.

• Life is uncertain. We must accept the uncertainties of life and get out of the idea that life should be kind to us or that life should move the way we want it.

The purpose of life is to explore oneself; to find the true purpose of one’s life, and to express oneself. It doesn’t really matter whether you succeed or fail in your life. Each failure brings you closer to the real purpose of your life. Each success, after you have revelled in it and gotten disillusioned with it, tells you that this was not the purpose of your life. 

The Nature and the World are not there to fulfil our desires.

What shall we do until we find the True Purpose of Our Life?

 What do we need to do until we find the true purpose of our life?

• Until we have found he real purpose of our life, we need to pick up a temporary purpose in our life. Learn from the experiences of life, explore ourselves, and move closer to the true purpose of our lives.

• We shall widen our knowledge and understand how the world and life move. We need to know economics, politics, human behaviour, human psychology, society, relationships, philosophy, etc., because all these help us understand the direction in which the world and man are moving.

• We shall meet the so-called successful people and the so-called failed people. Discuss our issues with them and learn from them. Know that the so-called failed people also have some great insights and knowledge to share.

• Learn from the Old, the Elders, the Intellectuals, the Rustic, and the Young, for each one has something important and useful to share that can help you understand the world and man.

• As we learn and grow, we shall reevaluate our hopes, our fears, and our goals.

The underlying truth is that the human mind is incapable of making a decision. We need to transcend the human mind and know through the soul. Until we have found our soul, i.e., until we know the purpose of our life, and are free of doubt, we shall continue to move, explore, and grow.

Will this Attitude solve Our Problem?

 Will all these efforts resolve the issue before us?

• Unfortunately, No! As we grow, we move closer to the solution, but we don’t reach the true solution. The underlying truth behind this uncertainty is that the human mind is incapable of resolving this problem. The solution to this problem lies in transcending the human mind and knowing through the soul. Until then, doubt, confusion, indecision, etc., will remain as part of our lives.

• Although we will be able to make better decisions as we grow, an element of doubt still remains, because one thing that is absolutely certain in this world is that nothing is certain. 

• After we have explored and analysed to the best of our knowledge, we shall take the path which appears best to us and then leave the result in the hands of Nature/ God.

The underlying truth is that the human mind is incapable of making a decision. We need to transcend the human mind and know through the soul. Until we know the purpose of our life, and are free of doubt, we shall continue to move, explore, and grow.

Returning to the Original Problem:

Returning to the original problem – Should we remain satisfied with what we have achieved because we fear losing what we have, or are afraid of exploring the unexplored?

• My answer would be – explore yourself, explore the objective of your life, understand the world, learn from people around you, and make an informed decision. But remember, life is uncertain; neither remaining where you are nor moving ahead can guarantee so-called success and happiness in life. To be happy, we need to change the way we look at the World, Man, and Life.

• You can remain in your current position, escape the disturbances caused by the change, and explore the inner world and the world around you. Or you can take a newer position with different responsibilities and explore the world from different standpoints.

• Both are OK – while one is good for some, the other is good for others.

• One can even move alternately between the two.

The fundamental governing principle of our life shall be the growth of oneself; beyond a point, all other necessities and compulsions matter not.

Does Everyone Face the Problem of Indecision?

• People who are passionate behave differently. Some do not take risks because either they are afraid of the unknown or are satisfied with where they are. Others, not satisfied, take a jump. It varies from person to person – whether fear dominates him or desire and hope.

• People who are rational remain stuck in analysis, for no analysis can resolve the issue of uncertainty through logic. Once they are exhausted analysing the problem, they decide under the pressure of circumstances, one way or the other. Their decision depends partly on their analysis, the incomplete and/or incorrect information they have, and their hunch. That doesn’t mean that their decisions are perfect. But in the end, they are applauded or condemned not based on their imperfect decision, but on the outcome of their actions.

Not everyone faces this dilemma. It is easier for a mind dominated by passions to make a decision. However, it is an analytical mind that finds itself stuck in indecision. In the end, the decision is always made by passion or conscious choice.

Each one is right in his own way, yet no one is sure that he will achieve the goal he has set for himself.

Summary and Guidelines:

• There are no clear-cut solutions to the problem of indecision. However, we must explore and understand the problem so that we may make a well-informed decision.

• The world is complex. Therefore, the problem of uncertainty, consequently indecision, is very much part of our lives.

• The World is a play of many forces, and Life is a struggle between competing forces. Our will is neither the only will nor the all-powerful will that determines our life. Therefore, the outcomes of our efforts may or may not be in line with our will. 

• The Nature and the World are not there to fulfil our desires.

• It is very natural for us to follow our desires and avoid our fears. However, our fears and desires change with time. Therefore, we are never sure that by the time our actions mature, we will still want the same results for which we made the effort.

• The purpose of life is to explore oneself, to find the true purpose of one’s life, and to express oneself. It doesn’t really matter whether you succeed or fail in your life. Each failure brings you closer to the real purpose of your life. Each success, after you have revelled in it and gotten disillusioned with it, tells you that this was not the purpose of your life. In fact, failure leads you faster to your true goal than success, for you tend to halt and enjoy your successes.

• The underlying truth is that the human mind is incapable of making a decision. We need to transcend the human mind and know through the soul. Until we have found our soul, i.e., until we know the purpose of our life, and are free of doubt, we shall continue to move, explore, and grow.

• Until we find the real purpose of our life, we need to pick up a temporary purpose in our lives. Learn from the experiences of life, explore ourselves, and move closer to the true purpose of our lives.

• The fundamental governing principle of our life shall be the growth of oneself; beyond a point, all the necessities and compulsions of life matter not.

• Not everyone faces indecision. It is easier for a mind dominated by passions to make a decision. However, it is an analytical mind that finds itself stuck in indecision. The decision is always made by a mix of analysis and passion (or conscious choice). 

• Each one is right in his own way, yet no one is sure that he will achieve the goal he has set for himself, or that he is on the right path.

• Life is complex, uncertain, and unpredictable. We shall make an informed choice and remain prepared for the unexpected.