A Question from a Student:
“Sometimes you know something is not right for you, or you
can get better, but you still want it. One reason for this is that I don't have
the confidence to turn down anything and say I deserve better. What to do in
situations like this?”
The Question and the Problem Reframed:
“Sometimes I know something is not good
for me, and I can get better, but I still choose it. One reason for this is
that I don't have the confidence (i.e., I am afraid) to turn down something I
have and say I deserve better. What shall one do in situations like this?”
The problem you raised is a common
problem that almost everyone faces in their lives. If I may restate the problem,
it is that -
We often find ourselves standing at crossroads and unable
to decide which way to go, for we are afraid of losing what we have, or we are uncertain
about the future.
How shall we make a Decision in such a Situation?
To begin with, let me tell you that there are no clear-cut
solutions to this problem. However, we may explore and understand the problem,
for it will help us overcome the anxiety associated with indecision and help us
make the best possible decision.
There are no clear-cut solutions to this problem. We need
to explore and understand the problem for a better decision.
The World is Very Complex:
The first principle we must understand is that the world is
very complex. We know very little about the world, the forces that govern it,
and the direction in which the world is moving.
- As per Indian scripture, there are many invisible
forces, other than the physical forces, that govern this world. They are known
as Gods. They follow Divine Will or Divine Law.
- If this is so, i.e., if we neither know the hidden forces nor
their laws, it is impossible for anyone to predict the outcome of our actions. In
other words, the world and our lives remain unpredictable.
The world is complex; the problem of uncertainty,
consequently indecision, is very much part of our lives.
The World is a Play of Many Forces:
The second principle we must understand is that the world is a
play of many forces.
- Nature (or the World) has its own will, which is
enforced by the Gods (or the hidden forces) that govern the world. If our will
and Nature’s will are not in line, it is quite natural that there will be
opposition to our will. And our will, being weak compared to the universal
forces (Gods), will not fructify.
- Again, there are many people who are part of our
system and have wills that may not be in line with, or against, our will.
The World is a Play of Many Forces,
and Life is a struggle between competing forces. Our will is neither the only
will nor the all-powerful will that determines our life. Therefore, the outcomes
of our efforts may or may not be in line with our will.
Can Decisions based on Fear and Desire Ensure long-term Happiness?
Then, the third issue relates to our psychology and instincts.
As we grow from a child to an adult, we acquire a personal value system based
on the value systems of our family and society. Accordingly, we develop preferences
– we like certain things and dislike others. We also have inbuilt likes and
dislikes based on our instincts, which are ingrained in human beings over the millennia
of evolution. These preferences, likes, and dislikes, coupled with our
emotions, manifest as Fear and Desire and govern our decisions; we follow our desires
and avoid our fears.
However, our fears as well as our desires are transient, i.e.,
they change with time. In other words, we are not sure if our fears and desires
will remain the same as years roll on and we grow. This means that the
decisions we make based on our current fears and desires will become irrelevant
with time.
It is very natural for us to follow our desires and avoid
our fears. However, our fears and desires change with time. Therefore, we are
never sure that by the time our actions mature, we will still want the same
results for which we made the effort.
The Solution to Our Problem lies in how we look at the World and Life.
Then, what is the solution to our problem? The real solution to
our problem lies in how we look at the world and life. We need to ponder over the
following assumptions/conclusions and recalibrate our worldview -
- The purpose of Nature is not to fulfil our
desires. It is an independent and conscious entity with an objective. We may
align our objectives with Nature’s objective or work against it, but we can’t
expect Nature to bow to our wishes.
- The purpose of Nature is not to fulfil our
desires but to help us grow and become wiser. This is the essence of evolution.
Therefore, we should not be bothered about material and social achievements;
instead, they should become the means to help us understand life and become
wiser.
- Our objectives are transient; they keep changing
with time. Late in life, when our desires and our goals are fulfilled, we will realize
that we wanted something more or something else.
- All our achievements are going to end with our
Death. Therefore, it doesn’t matter if we have achieved anything in life. What
matters most is whether we have lived our lives happily or not.
- We need to find the true objective of our life. Are
we governed by familial and social conditioning, and trying to fulfil the
desires of our family and society? If so, remember that nobody is really looking
at you; nobody is really concerned about you; the world will not shed a tear when
we are not there. We must shed the familial and social compulsions and find the
true objective of our life.
- The purpose of life is not to fulfil someone
else’s desire or ambition. The purpose of life is to explore oneself, find the true
purpose of one’s life, and express oneself. It doesn’t really matter whether
you succeed or fail in your life. Each failure brings you closer to the real
purpose of your life. Each success, after you have revelled in it and gotten
disillusioned with it, tells you that this was not the purpose of your life. Thus,
the process of exploring oneself goes on until you find your life's real
purpose.
- Life is uncertain. We must accept the
uncertainties of life and get out of the idea that life should be kind to us or
that life should move the way we want it.
The purpose of life is
to explore oneself; to find the true purpose of one’s life, and to express
oneself. It doesn’t really matter whether you succeed or fail in your life. Each
failure brings you closer to the real purpose of your life. Each success, after
you have revelled in it and gotten disillusioned with it, tells you that this
was not the purpose of your life.
The Nature and the
World are not there to fulfil our desires.
What shall we do until we find the True Purpose of Our Life?
What do we need to do until we find the true purpose of our
life?
- Until
we have found he real purpose of our life, we need to pick up a temporary
purpose in our life. Learn from the experiences of life, explore ourselves, and
move closer to the true purpose of our lives.
- We
shall widen our knowledge and understand how the world and life move. We need
to know economics, politics, human behaviour, human psychology, society,
relationships, philosophy, etc., because all these help us understand the
direction in which the world and man are moving.
- We
shall meet the so-called successful people and the so-called failed people. Discuss
our issues with them and learn from them. Know that the so-called failed people
also have some great insights and knowledge to share.
- Learn
from the Old, the Elders, the Intellectuals, the Rustic, and the Young, for each
one has something important and useful to share that can help you understand
the world and man.
- As
we learn and grow, we shall reevaluate our hopes, our fears, and our goals.
The underlying truth is that the human mind is incapable
of making a decision. We need to transcend the human mind and know through the
soul. Until we have found our soul, i.e., until we know the purpose of our
life, and are free of doubt, we shall continue to move, explore, and grow.
Will this Attitude solve Our Problem?
Will all these efforts resolve the issue before us?
- Unfortunately, No! As we grow, we move closer to the solution, but we don’t
reach the true solution. The underlying truth behind this uncertainty is that the
human mind is incapable of resolving this problem. The solution to this problem
lies in transcending the human mind and knowing through the soul. Until then,
doubt, confusion, indecision, etc., will remain as part of our lives.
- Although
we will be able to make better decisions as we grow, an element of doubt still
remains, because one thing that is absolutely certain in this world is that
nothing is certain.
- After
we have explored and analysed to the best of our knowledge, we shall take the
path which appears best to us and then leave the result in the hands of Nature/
God.
The underlying truth is that the human mind is
incapable of making a decision. We need to transcend the human mind and know
through the soul. Until we know the purpose of our life, and are free of doubt,
we shall continue to move, explore, and grow.
Returning to the Original Problem:
Returning to the original problem –
Should we remain satisfied with what we have achieved because we fear losing
what we have, or are afraid of exploring the unexplored?
- My answer would be – explore yourself, explore
the objective of your life, understand the world, learn from people around you,
and make an informed decision. But remember, life is uncertain; neither
remaining where you are nor moving ahead can guarantee so-called success and
happiness in life. To be happy, we need to change the way we look at the World,
Man, and Life.
- You can remain in your current position, escape the disturbances
caused by the change, and explore the inner world and the world around you. Or
you can take a newer position with different responsibilities and explore the
world from different standpoints.
- Both are OK – while one is good for some, the other is good
for others.
- One can even move alternately between the two.
The fundamental governing
principle of our life shall be the growth of oneself; beyond a point, all other
necessities and compulsions matter not.
Does Everyone Face the Problem of Indecision?
- People who are passionate behave differently.
Some do not take risks because either they are afraid of the unknown or are satisfied
with where they are. Others, not satisfied, take a jump. It varies from person
to person – whether fear dominates him or desire and hope.
- People who are rational remain stuck in
analysis, for no analysis can resolve the issue of uncertainty through logic.
Once they are exhausted analysing the problem, they decide under the pressure
of circumstances, one way or the other. Their decision depends partly on their
analysis, the incomplete and/or incorrect information they have, and their
hunch. That doesn’t mean that their decisions are perfect. But in the end, they
are applauded or condemned not based on their imperfect decision, but on the
outcome of their actions.
Not everyone faces this dilemma. It is easier for a mind
dominated by passions to make a decision. However, it is an analytical mind
that finds itself stuck in indecision. In the end, the decision is always made
by passion or conscious choice.
Each one is right in his own way,
yet no one is sure that he will achieve the goal he has set for himself.
Summary and Guidelines:
- There
are no clear-cut solutions to the problem of indecision. However, we must
explore and understand the problem so that we may make a well-informed
decision.
- The
world is complex. Therefore, the problem of uncertainty, consequently
indecision, is very much part of our lives.
- The
World is a play of many forces, and Life is a struggle between competing
forces. Our will is neither the only will nor the all-powerful will that
determines our life. Therefore, the outcomes of our efforts may or may not be
in line with our will.
- The
Nature and the World are not there to fulfil our desires.
- It
is very natural for us to follow our desires and avoid our fears. However, our
fears and desires change with time. Therefore, we are never sure that by the
time our actions mature, we will still want the same results for which we made
the effort.
- The
purpose of life is to explore oneself, to find the true purpose of one’s life,
and to express oneself. It doesn’t really matter whether you succeed or fail in
your life. Each failure brings you closer to the real purpose of your life.
Each success, after you have revelled in it and gotten disillusioned with it,
tells you that this was not the purpose of your life. In fact, failure leads you faster to your true goal than success, for you tend to halt and enjoy your successes.
- The
underlying truth is that the human mind is incapable of making a decision. We
need to transcend the human mind and know through the soul. Until we have found
our soul, i.e., until we know the purpose of our life, and are free of doubt,
we shall continue to move, explore, and grow.
- Until
we find the real purpose of our life, we need to pick up a temporary purpose in
our lives. Learn from the experiences of life, explore ourselves, and move
closer to the true purpose of our lives.
- The
fundamental governing principle of our life shall be the growth of oneself;
beyond a point, all the necessities and compulsions of life matter not.
- Not
everyone faces indecision. It is easier for a mind dominated by passions to
make a decision. However, it is an analytical mind that finds itself stuck in
indecision. The decision is always made by a mix of analysis and passion (or conscious
choice).
- Each one is right in his own way, yet no one is sure that he will achieve the goal he has set for himself, or that he is on the right path.
- Life
is complex, uncertain, and unpredictable. We shall make an informed choice and remain prepared for the unexpected.
