Analysing the Discussions

At times, we get embroiled in endless arguments with no fruitful outcome and wonder why the person across the fence is not able to appreciate our point of view.

There are three things we exchange when we converse with someone, they are - a) Information b) Reasoning and c) Opinion. 

a) The information we share may be right or wrong. If there is a dispute on that, the way out is to take the help of encyclopedia and move on.  

b) Reasoning is mathematical and there shall be no disagreement on that. However, invariably the subject of discussion includes organic elements (elements such as honesty, freedom, money, beauty, fidelity, fears and health etc. that have no definite value) and need to be assigned values which are subjective and different. This assignment of different values to different parameters lead the two contestants to different conclusions and conflict. 

The way out here is to identify the differences and try to converge on common values. However, it will be difficult. It would be better to agree to disagree. For example - (i) the two persons may value money and time differently and that would follow different spending habits, (ii) the two persons may have different tastes and would rate two films differently or (iii) the two persons may have different aims and would follow different professions and so on.

Instead of contesting someone's value system, we shall rather accept the individuality and know that we are all different.

c) Then comes the issue of opinion. Opinions form over a long period of time based on our knowledge, past happenings, value system, priorities and preferences etc. A single sentence, a single act or a single happening may dent it but may not alter it completely. 

Invariably we become one with our opinions. We no longer remain rational but become passionate or emotional. With time our opinions become deep rooted, take possession of our mind and become inseparable from our personality. The association becomes so intimate that we become blind and are not unable to get rid of them.

Same is true with the other fellow and therefore discussion gets stuck up in an impasse. 

The way out is not to enforce our opinion on the other. 

The best way to enter into a fruitful discussion is to enter with an understanding that (i) we will end up the discussion after some stipulated time by agreeing to disagree (ii) we will only exchange information but no opinions and (iii) we will end up knowing that our value systems are different for we are different and different value systems would bring different results.

That we will end up by knowing a bit about the other, a bit about ourselves and will move on different paths although a bit altered after the interaction.